CARRY ON WAYWARD SON
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This author welcomes your feedback.
This chapter contains adult subject matter and is NOT intended for younger One Life to Live fans.
Author’s Foreword: Special thanks to my brother-in-law, Dr. Frank Zelko, for his discussions with me on child abuse and its related issues; the child-maternal bond the loss of self that comes from the pain of abandonment the inner child always crying out for a mother to come and save them the destruction of sexuality after the horrors of rape the life-long effects resulting from the agonies of child abuse the abused child growing up and becoming a parent obsessed with protecting his/her children from similar horrors, the obsession growing into a unique bond that 95% OF THE TIME IS EVENTUALLY SHATTERED - what is referred to as the ‘repeating cycle’ - the abused child repeating his own tortured childhood by in turn abusing his own helpless child. It is also referred to as the ‘ REPEATING PATTERN OF ABUSE.’ the ‘wall’ representing the mental block of so-called repressed memories; in the case of DID this can mean memories only previously conscious to an ‘alter.’
And last but certainly not least in Todd’s case, the abused child’s desperate struggle to escape the inescapable, to bury in a way he can what he SIMPLY CANNOT FACE... what in the final chapter that hurt child MUST face head on if he is to retain his sanity, break the cycle and have any hope of a normal relationship.
Dedication: For you, Rebecca, Todd’s angel of mercy. All of the people who entered and left Todd’s life, I believe you came the closest to reaching through that ‘wall’ to his past, and discovering the secrets buried in the abyss of his soul. Like Téa you pushed and you pushed and you pushed. And Todd gave and gave and gave. I truly believe if Todd had more time with ‘his angel,’ his ‘wall’ would have collapsed...and the truth would have set him free long ago...
The Setup Todd and Téa made love for the second time that night. They lay asleep, entwined in each other’s arms, with Todd’s head buried in Téa’s chest. He has finally given in to his complete exhaustion and drifted into a deep, healing sleep. Téa, after long moments spent luring him into that sleep, has too succumbed to slumber.
The Manning Jet
Llanview Airport
November 14, 1998
5:00 a.m.
“Uh, excuse me, Mr. Manning!” a voice calls.
At the sound of that voice, the spell is broken and Todd’s whole body jerks awake. Dazed, disoriented, he wrenches away from Téa’s arms, jumps up, glances down at her still sleeping face and then around at the cabin of his private plane.
“Uh, Mr. Manning, I’m sorry to interrupt but I need an answer right now,” the voice of Todd’s pilot breaks in over the intercom.
Running his hands through his hair again and again he searches for his clothes and throws on his pants. His pilot continues his explanation, “Look, Mr. Manning, I know you said... not to interrupt and well, leave you two alone... but, Mr. Manning, I really need to speak with you.”
Rubbing tired eyes, Todd stalks over to the table and angrily presses the ‘Talk’ button on the intercom, “Damn you, Rex, don’t you understand plain English? Look, the time last time you interrupted me and my wife, hell, you couldn’t have picked a worse moment!”
Flashback to Earlier that Same Night
As he and Téa were about to finally make love, the pilot had interrupted them and asked for a destination. Todd had screamed his frustration, wrenched away from Téa and yelled at his pilot to ‘shut the help, go away and not interrupt them again or he’d fire his sorry ass.’
The Present
“Just shut the hell up! Damn you, I finally and I do mean finally get some sleep after days without and here you go and tear me away from that...” Todd spits in frustration.
“Mr. Manning, I’m sorry, I really am. You know I wouldn’t have interrupted... again, if... if it wasn’t important. Look, the Tower needs to know right now if we are going to submit a flight plan. We really can’t stay here any longer. Either we state our destination and take off or we have to release the gate. They need it for their flights scheduled early this morning.” Todd’s pilot explains.
Todd explodes into a long tirade about the stupidity of Llanview airport and its many incompetent employees.
Awakened by the noise, Téa looks sleepily around. Spotting Todd, his mouth and whole body language screaming in frustration, she grimaces and stops him, “Todd, it’s all right, stop yelling at the man. He’s only doing his job.”
Startled by her voice, Todd stops in mid-sentence and looks over at Téa’s beautiful face. And as has happened so often in the past his rage fades away.
Taking a deep, calming breath, Todd asks, “Téa, we need a destination right now so just go ahead and make up your mind already, about... hell, where do you want to go on this damned honeymoon, anyway?”
“Tell him we want to go to San Juan, Puerto Rico,” Téa states positively. She slowly stands, still partially entangled in her ruined wedding gown.
At Todd’s dumbfounded expression, Téa stretches her cramped arms above her head and explains, “I’ve always wanted to go back there. Hey, it’s an island and it’s much closer than Bali.”
Nodding, Todd instructs his pilot, “Did you hear that? File a flight plan for San Juan, Puerto Rico and let’s get the hell out of this cursed town.”
“Yes, sir, Mr. Manning, right away. I suggest you sit yourselves down and strap in. Considering how anxious the Tower is for us to get moving, we should be taking off in just a few moments. By my calculations I believe our travel time should be approximately three hours.”
Todd nods, releases the intercom button and strides back to Téa.
Téa stands there, grinning up at him and her hand can’t resist brushing the hair away from Todd’s tired, bloodshot eyes, “Oh, Todd, you poor thing, you finally fell asleep and I’m sorry, it couldn’thave been for very long.”
Todd checks his watch and then agrees, “Yeah, not long at all.”
Téa murmurs, “Listen, after takeoff why don’t you go back to sleep. It’s been a long night and we can both sleep on the way down to San Juan.”
Todd rubs his eyes again and mutters, “Yeah, right, Delgado, you know how hard it is for me to fall sleep.”
Téa caresses his face softly and reaches out to hold his hand, “Don’t worry, Todd, I’ll you hold you... again and... and you’ll get the sleep you need.”
Todd’s face softens and he whispers, “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” Téa smiles reassuringly.
“All right, but we do need to get strapped in first.” He glances around the cabin, strewn with all their discarded clothes. “Um, uh, maybe you’d better get dressed first...”
Téa’s smile widens seductively, “Are you sure?” she purrs.
Todd’s eyes glimmer with remembered passion but his body is definitely not willing, “Yeah, oh, yeah, I’m way too tired... I can’t... at least I don’t think I can...”
He hesitates, runs his hands through his tousled hair and then resorts to humor, “No, no, no way... unless you’ve also ALWAYS DREAMED of joining the mile high club?” he sarcastically quips.
Téa bursts out laughing, “Oh, God, Todd, what a thing to say.”
“Hey, I just call ‘em like I see ‘em... and who knows what you want, with all those crazy dreams of yours!” Todd retorts.
Smothering a laugh, Téa says, “All right, I’ll go and get cleaned up and get changed... finally.” With those words, she bends and wraps the wedding gown more tightly around her and starts to walk back to the bathroom.
Todd stops her with a hand on her arm, “Delgado, I’m.... damn, I’m sorry about your wedding gown, you know, being ruined and all.”
Téa’s hand caresses that suddenly remorseful face and huskily whispers, “Oh, Todd, don’t you worry about that... I’ll always be especially grateful to this wedding gown’s sticky zipper... and it’s not ruined. It’s just rumpled and filled with memories... memories I’ll always remember whenever I look back at our wedding night, the night we finally made love.”
Todd envelopes Téa in his arms and leans down to kiss her deeply, passionately. After a long kiss, recapturing the magic of their earlier joining, Todd and Téa break apart, breathless once more.
“I, uh, I, you’d better... go now,” Todd reluctantly gasps.
With that mysterious, wide smile of hers, Téa nods, and then head held high crosses the cabin to the rest room, and softly closes the door behind her.
Todd stands there gazing at that closed door with a strangely worried expression on his face...
******************************************************* The
Manning Jet
in flight to San Juan, Puerto Rico
November 14, 1998
Approximately 7:00 a.m.
TÉA
Téa, now wearing a soft blue silk blouse and black stretch pants, sits slumped back against the back of the sofa. With her head tipped back, breathing deeply in a sound sleep, her mind wanders along a beautiful seashore...
water sparkling like diamonds in the moonlight...
sand soft and warm beneath bare feet...
white sleeveless dress brushing ankles...
hair loose and sweeping around bare shoulders...
strolling towards her lover...
lover, husband, mi querido...
long hair tousled and rippling in the soft breeze...
black shirt hanging loose and open to the waist...
black pants riding low on lean hips...
beautiful hazel eyes burning with boundless love...
Is this a lasting treasure
Or just a moment’s pleasure?
Can I believe the magic of your sighs
Will you still love me tomorrow?
Tonight with words unspoken
You say that I’m the only one
But will my heart be broken
When the night meets the morning sun?
I’d like to know that your love
Is love I can be sure of
So tell me now, and I won’t ask again
Will you still love me tomorrow?
-Gerry Goffin and Carole King, “Will You Love Me Tomorrow”
TODD
Todd, now clothed in a partially open black shirt and black pants, lies sprawled on his back on the sofa, head nestled on Téa’s soft lap, one hand at his side, and the other entwined with hers. After a long struggle he has finally succumbed to a deep, unusually still sleep...
FLASHBACK TO DID THERAPY SESSION
What really happened the night of your 14th birthday?
You KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. You know, Sam told you.
Yes, Sam and Viki’s statements indicate your father, Peter Manning, raped
you that night.
That’s right. He, uh, he, uh, he did that to Todd.
Tom, I can’t help but sense there is much more to the story you confessed to
Viki.
Tell me about that night.
Why did your father choose that night to rape you?
Was there something, in particular, that night that set him off?
Hey, we’ve discussed this already. Peter was crazy about the lighter thing,
and he was furious she was there.
She was there?
Michelle!
Was anyone else there?
Yes... Sam told you he came later.
No, I meant after Michelle left. Were you alone with your father?
Uh, um, yes.
I sense some hesitation on your part. Perhaps you can let me speak to Pete.
Maybe then we’ll get to the real truth of that night.
Stop bugging the kid, all right? Look, lay off with the questions or I might
have to lose my temper.
Anyways Todd remembers, I mean, I remember everything about that night.
I was all alone with my father.
Are you sure?
Yes!
Pete, this is very important. Are you certain you remember everything that
happened that night?
Yes! NOW DROP IT!
All right, Pete, calm down, I’m only trying to help you and Todd.
Bullshit, no one and I mean no one wants to help Todd. I’m the only one he’s
got to protect him.
I’m the man. I’m the one that gets things done..
I see, then I have only one last question for you. Exactly who did Peter
Manning rape that night?
WHAT! I don’t understand?
I
think you do but I will clarify the question. Did your father rape Todd,
Tom, Rod, or you?
I, uh, I, the split, it happened that night.
Fine, then answer the question. Who holds the memories of that night, of the
rape?
Flashbacks of Todd’s Past
‘I’m here because I want to help you... to save your soul. You’re kidding, right? Kidding, no I’m very serious
Remember... the first time I came... because you were listed as one of the
prisoners who didn’t get many visitors.
Not a lot...
What about your parents?
I don’t want to talk about my parents! I don’t want to talk about them! Now
you got it! Not one word!
That’s not the worst part. The worst part was when she left, before she
died.
She left you?
Me and my dad.
Well, how old were you?
Nine years old.
Yeah, she married another guy. I couldn’t understand it. I mean, I still
can’t understand it...
I mean Dad had a temper, but he just likes things, a certain way.
I mean, were things that bad she just had to...?
She loved me... can you believe that? Apparently not enough to stick around.
I’m sorry, Todd.
What am I doing?! Who cares! Why did you make me dredge all this stuff up
for anyway?
Didn’t I tell you I didn’t want to talk about my parents!
You pushed and you pushed and you pushed!
I’d do anything to help you... I hope you know that...
That’s sweet, Rebecca, that really is.
It’s been a long time since I heard anybody talk to me like that...
-Todd Manning and Rebecca Lewis, 1994
on those rare occasions when Todd discusses his adopted mother, Barbara
Manning
I’m going to get the diary. You do have it with you, don’t you?
No, Todd, is, um, he’s looking over it.’
He’s really sentimental about it. It’s the only thing he has of his
mother’s’
-Dorian Lord Cramer and Blair Manning, respectively, 1995
discussing the diary of Todd’s biological mother, Irene Manning
a diary in which claimed she killed Todd’s father, Victor Lord (later
disproved)
‘Irene Manning was a sweet person, Todd...sometimes I can see her smile in
yours’
-Victoria Lord Buchanan Carpenter, 1995
describing her old best friend, Todd’s biological mother, Irene Manning
(Clayton)
‘You wanna know what’s really scary? How much alike we are. You and me
(orphans)
Except you take everything out on yourself. And I lash out. I guess it’s
kind of a boy-girl thing, maybe.
-Marty Saybrooke and Todd Manning, respectively, 1995
‘Todd, what does Miss little Marty sunshine have that you find so appealing?
Is it that sick, hurt little puppy look of hers?...
When she looks at you with her tears and her whole... and that thing in her
sickening sweet eyes...’
‘Blair, that’s called a soul, nothing you’d recognize’
‘You, Todd, you’re talking about a soul. That’s a laugh.’
Ha, ha, Blair, unlike you, at least I dream about having one once in a
while.
-Blair Manning and Todd Manning, 1995
as Blair’s jealousy over Marty reaches skyrocketing proportions and
Todd perhaps provides some insight into what ties him to Marty so completely
‘Take your daughter, Todd... just hold her... just love her
No, Viki, I can’t... what if... what if...
No, Todd, we do not carry the sins of our fathers
Do you think I can break the pattern?
-Victoria Lord Buchanan Carpenter and Todd Manning, respectively, 1996
‘Shorty, I will never, ever make you feel stupid... you’ll never be scared... I won’t go away and abandon you... I will protect you... always’
-Todd Manning to Starr Manning shortly after his return from Ireland, 1996
‘Leave Shorty with Blair, are you crazy, Viki?
Why not, Todd, Blair loves Starr very much and she is a wonderful mother.
I wouldn’t trust that she-wolf with... let alone my daughter...
I
will never let Blair have Shorty, NEVER!
-Todd Manning and Victoria Lord Buchanan Carpenter, respectively, 1997
as Viki pleads for him to be reasonable during the first custody battle
‘Look at her, Viki, she’s laying there so scared, so hurt, and I can’t do
anything to help her.
Oh, Todd, you help Starr just by being here with her...
you’re here night and day... holding her hand, loving her...
a little girl who feels safe enough because of a father’s love to fall
asleep in a strange hospital room.
Viki, I can’t lose her, too! I don’t know what I would do if I lost Shorty.’
-Todd Manning and Victoria Lord Buchanan Carpenter, 1997
as Starr battles for her life, a grief-stricken Todd is frustrated beyond
belief
that he cannot protect his own child from the agony she is facing
‘Do you think they can save my little girl, Marty?’ -Todd Manning, 1997
‘I will NEVER give up my daughter. I will do ANYTHING to keep her.
Do you understand that, Delgado, ANYTHING!’
-Todd Manning to Téa Delgado, 1997
‘Judge, you can’t take away Shorty, you don’t understand! She’s my best
friend’
-Tom/Todd Manning, 1998
as the result of the jury’s verdict Starr Manning’s custody is revoked
‘My mother was the only person in my life...who really loved me’
Did you ever see your mother again?
‘Yeah...one summer. I found out where she was hiding . She was in a little
cabin
by a stream in the woods. Took me 20 hours to hitch from the camp I was in.
She chickened out and sent me back after six
lousy daysÖbut it's not all bad news, you know... I did
get to watch Peter die.
-Todd and Téa Delgado Manning, respectively, 1997
‘What really happened on your 14th birthday, Todd?’
-Sam Rappaport, 1998
‘My mom died when I was 14 years old.’
-Todd Manning, 1994
‘Todd... admitting how much it hurts doesn’t make you weaker, it makes you strong. I know this, because fighting the pain and pretending it’s not there, that takes all your strength, but once you give in, once you give into to it, it’s like the pain can move on and you can have your life back. You can have peace, if you put your pain into your words. It’s like the words take the weight, and then the burden is lifted. Don’t you want to tell me, Todd? What is it about your parents, Todd? Can you tell me?
The Nightmare to End ALL Nightmares
Traveling along the long twisting corridors of his mind, familiar faces appear...
Sam - ‘What happened on your 14th birthday, Todd? What did your father do to you?
Rebecca - ‘What is it about your parents, Todd? Can you tell me?
Viki - ‘Tom, what did he do to you? It’s all right, I think I already know/’
Blair - ‘Stop this right now, Todd. You tell her... you tell your little girl that you’re faking all this...’
Starr - ‘Daddy?’
‘Shorty’ Todd breathes in loving recognition and his arms extend in open invitation but his daughter turns her back on him
and the scene dissolves into the haunting, accusing faces of Patrick Thornhart, Carlo Hesser, Guy Armitage, Nora, Powell,
the begging, accusing eyes of Marty...
and then, reluctantly, Todd turns to face...
Peter Manning - ‘You are a pathetic excuse for a son’
his father’s hated face slowly metamorphoses into the dead body of Georgie Phillips...
The corridor dissolves into complete nothingness and at the end a towering, gray wall stands...
~I’m woven in a fantasy, I can’t believe the things I see
The path that I have chosen now has led me to a Wall
And with each passing day I feel a little
more like something dear was lost
It rises now before me, a dark and silent barrier between
All I am and all that I would ever want to be
It’s just a travesty, towering, marking off the boundaries
my spirit would erase
To pass beyond is what I seek, I fear that I may be too weak
The moment is a masterpiece, the weight of indecision’s in the air
standing there, the symbol and the sum of all that’s me
It’s just a travesty, towering, blocking out the light and blinding me
I want to see
Golds and diamonds cast a spell, it’s not for me
I know it well
The riches that I seek are waiting on
the other side
There’s more than I can measure in the treasures
of the love that I can find
And though it’s always been with me,
I must tear down the Wall and let it be
All I am, all that I was ever meant to be, in harmony
shining true and smiling back at all who cross
THERE IS NO LOSS.~
--- Kerry Lugrens and Steve Walsh, Kansas, “The Wall”
slowly unlocking the door at the center of that wall...
teetering on the precipice of the abyss...
On the sofa, Todd stirs restlessly, head shifting from side to side, hand unconsciously clamping down around Téa’s in a tight, pleading grip.
In his nightmare, he hesitates and glances back along that long corridor, desperately searching for Téa. Finding her standing off alone in the distance, Todd’s sleeping body arches with the effort to reach even further back, his free hand reaches out for his ‘Delgado,’ begging her to come forward and save him from plunging headlong into the abyss below his feet...
TÉA’S NIGHTMARE
The desperation of Todd’s tight grip on her hand slowly filters into Téa’s
mind and transforms her own dream...
romantic moonlight slips into a dusky veil
soft breezes whips into a swirling mist
water turns dark and sinister
hazel eyes now burn with the agony of an endless need
hands reach out in a frantic plea...
mouth opens in a long, silent scream...
her hands reach out to hold him close
to save her love, her husband, Todd...
~Look in the mirror and tell me
Just what you see
What have the years of your life
Taught you to be
Innocence dyin’ in so many ways
Things that you dream of are lost
Lost in the haze
Hold on, Baby, Hold on!
‘Cause it’s closer than you think
And you’re standing on the brink
Hold on, Baby, Hold on!
‘Cause there’s something on the way
Your tomorrow’s not the same as today
Don’t you recall what you felt
When you weren’t alone
Someone who stood by your side
A face you have known
Where do you run when it’s too much to bear
Who do you turn to in need
When nobody’s there
Hold on, Baby, Hold on!
‘Cause it’s closer than you think
And you’re standing on the brink
Hold on, Baby, Hold on!
‘Cause there’s something on the way
Your tomorrow’s not the same as today
Outside your door He is waiting
Waiting for you
Sooner or later you know
He’s got to come through
No hesitation and no holding back
Let it all go and you’ll know
You’re on the right track
Hold on, Baby, Hold on!
Hold onto me, baby!
‘Cause it’s closer than you think
And you’re standing on the brink
Hold on, Baby, Hold on!
Yeah, I need you by my side!
‘Cause there’s something on the way
Your tomorrow’s not the same
Hold on, Baby, Hold on!
I’ve got to talk to you, baby!
‘Cause it’s closer than you think
And you’re standing on the brink
Hold on, Baby, Hold on!
There’s something right around the corner
‘Cause there’s something on the way
Your tomorrow’s not the same
Hold on!!!~
-Kerry Lugrens, Kansas, “Hold On”
Hold on, Todd, hold on, I’m coming...
Frightened by the intensity, the desperation she senses in Todd, Téa shakes away the images and fights her way up from a deep sleep. Shaking away the last vestiges of sleep and rubbing her stinging eyes, Téa focuses on Todd, half-convulsed in agony across her lap, breathing harsh and ragged, clutching her hand like a lifeline.
“Todd? Todd? Todd! Are you all right? Todd?!” Téa frantically calls.
In the throes of the worst nightmare of his life, Todd cannot hear her for the screams in his head have reached earth shattering proportions.
Truly frightened, Téa envelopes him in comforting arms and tries to shake him softly awake. Todd’s jerks away from touch, trying to escape but Téa’s hold is firm.
“Todd! Todd! Come on, wake up! It’s all right! It will be all right!” Téa cries, anxiously trying to get through to him and reassure him.
When Todd still resists waking up, arms flailing about fighting her hold, Téa’s fear mounts to outright panic.
“YOU’RE REALLY SCARING ME, TODD! PLEASE WAKE UP NOW! TODD, IT’S TÉA! I PROMISE, DO YOU HEAR THAT, I PROMISE TO BE HERE, TO HELP YOU! JUST WAKE UP NOW!” Téa pleads.
As if finally finding his lifeline again, Todd flings himself against her, like a bleeding, hurt child seeking, no begging, for succor. From the depths of that horrendous nightmare, Todd cries out, “NO! NO! STOP, DAD, STOP, NO... DON’T HURT HER! NO, NO, NO, NO! MOMMMMMMM”
Unable to find a way to calm him, Téa simply sits there holding a shuddering Todd in her arms, stroking his head, his shoulders and back, anything she can reach in her frantic efforts to comfort him.
“MOM?! PLEASE HELP ME, PLEASE, PLEASE, DON’T LEAVE! TAKE ME WITH YOU! DON’T LEAVE ME HERE WITH HIM!”
Shocked at the agony and despair of those pleas, Téa jumps to reassure him, “It’s all right, Todd, it will be all right, hush now, hush. I’m here, Todd. I’m all right, Mom’s here.”
Angrily Todd bursts out, “NO! NOT TODD! DON’T CALL ME THAT NAME! THAT’S WHAT HE CALLS ME! IT’S ME, MOM! IT’S ME, YOUR SON TOM! PLEASE HELP ME, PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME AGAIN! OH MOM! NOT AGAIN! HE’S REALLY MAD! HE’LL HURT ME, HE’LL HURT ME...”
Sobbing uncontrollably, his screams slowly die out and he whispers brokenly, “Mom, come back, please come back and save me...”
Tears of compassion streak down Téa’s white face, “Tom, Tom, can you hear me? I’m right here. No one and I mean no one will ever hurt you like that again. It’s all right to wake up now. It’s all right. Mom’s here to save you. Wake up now, Tom,” she implores.
Todd abruptly goes still as carved stone in her arms.
Scared out of her wits, Téa frantically lifts his head to hers, searching his blank face, frozen of all expression, eyes wide and staring off into pure nothingness.
TODD And the Truth Shall Set You Free
In the depths of his lost, tortured mind, Todd desperately reaches out for the one
person in his life he needs more than anything in the world right now...
the person who kept him sane through his early years of abuse...
the person who showered him with love for nine special years...
the person who promised to always love him...
the person who promised to return and save him from his father...
Past that towering wall, he stumbles once again...
With a courage born of a pain so tormenting that it can no longer be repressed, Todd plunges headlong into the abyss and into her waiting arms...
~Carry on, my wayward son
There’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you cry no more!~
‘Don’t cry, Tom, Mom’s here now and I will make everything better. Now wipe your tears like a good boy.’
~Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher, but I flew too high
Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a madman
I hear the voices when I’m dreamin’
I can hear them say~
‘Tom, sometimes you are so funny and smart. Yes, I certainly have a wonderful little boy.’
~Carry on, my wayward son
There’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you cry no more~
‘Oh Tom, your father doesn’t hate you... he’s just a very angry, difficult man. I know it’s hard for you to understand him now but you must always remember I love you very much. You are the most precious gift I ever received.’
‘Gift, Mom? You mean like the stork?’
‘Something like that, yes, entrusted you to my care, and I was so grateful. Do you know why? Because I always wanted a son to love, Tom.’
~Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely
means that I don’t know
On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I’m like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune
but I hear the voices say~
‘Tom, I’m sorry but you can’t stay with me. Your father would never allow it. He would only make things so much worse for you and me. Please try to understand. I will come and get you. We’ll be together again, I promise. I love you very much. Remember my promise always..’
~Carry on, my wayward son
There’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you cry no more! ~
‘No, Peter, get out of here now! I’ve left you and I don’t have to take this abuse from you ever again! Do you hear that?! And yes, someday soon I will come and take Tom back from you. You’re not fit to raise a dog, let alone a son!’
‘Shut your mouth, you stupid bitch. Your precious little Tom goes home with me now! There’s no way you are taking him from me and you know why! He’s mine! Do you hear me, mine! Mine to do with as I please and no one will ever stop me, let alone, you!
‘No, Peter, you’re wrong! He’s my son, too.’
‘He’s no more YOUR son than mine, you idiot! But this pathetic excuse of a kid is all I’ve got and no way will you take him away from me! It seems to me, bitch, that you’ve forgotten just who you are dealing with here! You want to play it tough with me, fine, you know the punishment. Get over here, NOW!’
‘No, Peter, no, stop, stop, NO! NO!’
‘Dad, stop, stop hurting Mom, no, no, don’t hurt her like that! STOP, DAD!’
‘Shut your mouth and just watch how a real man deals with women!’
‘Oh, no, Peter, no, no! NO! NO! NNNNNNO!
‘No, Dad, NO! NNNNNNNNNO!
‘There, that should keep your mouth shut. Don’t you ever threaten me again and stay away from Todd! Do you hear that, no more of this stupid Tom stuff, he’s going to have a real man’s name.’
‘You are and always will be Todd Manning!’
~Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life’s no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you! ~
‘Tom!’
‘Mom? Mom, is that you?’ Thomas Todd Manning begs.
‘Yes, Tom. Now that you’ve finally found me, I’ll never leave you again.’
A light flames in the darkness of his abyss and Barbara Manning’s smiling face appears...
Todd can see his adopted mother, her loving face, beautiful soft blond hair cascading down around her shoulders. Her soft blue-gray eyes are awash with compassion and an everlasting love.
‘Oh, Mom, it’s been so long, so long, too long, I needed you so much! Where were you?’ Tom, the hurt, abandoned child cries.
‘Oh, Tom, I’m so sorry but you know where! You know what happened!
‘Mom, no!
‘Yes, Tom, it’s time to remember now. You are ready to handle it, trust me. Open you eyes, Tom, remember. Allow yourself to remember.’
‘No, Mom, I can’t! I can’t, it’s too painful!
‘You have to, Tom, you have to face the past. You must go back and remember that night. Oh my beloved son, you must remember, I came back for you just like I promised. I came back for you on your 14th birthday.’
‘No, Mom, I can’t go back there, not to THAT NIGHT! NOT THAT NIGHT!’
‘It’s all right to remember. Don't you see, Tom, the truth about that night will finally set you free.’
‘NO, MOM, I DON’T WANT YOU TO LEAVE ME! YOU HAVE TO SAVE ME!
‘NNNNNNNNNNNNO!
‘REMEMBER! REMEMBER! REMEMBER!!!
~Carry on, my wayward son
There’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you, Don’t you cry no more!
NO MORE!
NO MORE!~
FLASHBACK
THOMAS TODD MANNING'S 14TH BIRTHDAY
MANNING HOME
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS
JANUARY, 17, 1984
‘‘Tom, oh, son, you’ve grown so big. I can’t believe it. I’ve only seen pictures all these years but oh, Tom, you are so handsome in person. Happy 14th Birthday, my love.’
‘What the hell are you doing back? Didn’t I warn you never to return! Didn’t I tell you exactly what would happen to you and your precious Tom here?!’
‘No, Peter!’
‘Get away from her, Dad! Don’t you dare hurt my mother! No, this time I will fight you, do you hear me? I’m not that scared little kid anymore!
‘Oh, suddenly, you’re such a tough guy! Forget it, Todd! You’ll never be anything but a pathetic kid, crying and whining!’
‘NO, Dad, I mean it! I will NOT let you hurt Mom! NEVER AGAIN! NEVER AGAIN!’
‘Stop this, Peter, this time you won’t get away with it! I don’t have to take your abuse anymore! NNNNNO!
‘Oh, my God! Oh, God, Dad, what have you done, she’s not moving! She’s barely breathing!
‘Serves her right, coming back here after all these years, talking about how she’s going to take you away from me! No one will EVER take you away from me! Do you understand? NO ONE!’
‘Dad, I’m going to call an ambulance!’
‘Forget it, the bitch is coming around.’
‘Tom? Tom?’
‘I’m right here, Mom. You’ll be okay, I promise.’
‘I have to get out of here, Tom, I have to leave now.’
‘Mom, you can’t leave now, you’re hurt, your head’s bleeding.’
‘I’ll come back, I promise, but I can’t do this alone. I need help. I know someone who can help me, help us. I’ll bring him with me next time... No, no, don’t worry I’m all right to drive.’
‘No, Mom, don’t leave me here! Not with him! Not again!
‘Get the hell away from Todd, Barbara, you will NEVER, EVER take him away from me! He is MY son, my creation, he’ll do anything I say!’
‘Good-bye, Tom, remember I’ll be back soon, I promise. Peter, if you lay one finger on him ever again, when I come back I will have the police arrest you! Do you hear me?’
‘MOM, PLEASE COME BACK! TAKE ME WITH YOU!’
‘Get over here, Todd. This time I will teach you a lesson you won’t soon forget! The same lesson I taught your weakling of a mother!’
‘Stop, Dad, stop that, no I won’t! Are you crazy! NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNO!’
‘YOU MONSTER, I’LL KILL YOU, DO YOU HEAR ME?!!! I’LL KILL YOU FOR WHAT YOU JUST DID TO ME!!!
‘Well, would you look at that, the crazy kid finally finds his backbone!’
‘Todd? What’s going on? Todd, it’s Sam, what’s happened to make you attack your father like that?
FLASHBACK
Manning Home
Chicago, Illinois
January 23, 1984
‘Excuse me, is this the Manning residence?’
‘Yes, this is Todd Manning.’
‘Oh, son, I’m sorry to be the one to break the news to you, but your mother, Barbara Manning, was in a car crash. I just thought you had the right to know.’
‘What?! What happened? Is she all right?!’
‘From what the police have gathered she was speeding and swerving all across the road. They believe she may suffered a heart attack while driving and passed out. She crashed into a wall and died instantly.’
‘What?! When?!’
‘A few days ago. I'm sorry I didn't call right away but it's been rough. I knew Barbara would have wanted you to know.'
'What DAY did she, uh, did she DIE?'
'I'm sorry, son, she died on the night of the 17th.'
‘NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNO!’
‘Hello? Are you all right?’
‘Yeah, oh, yeah, I’m all right. I’ll always be all right. Thanks for the news but you know, she wasn’t much of a mother, anyway, what with abandoning me and all. Yeah, I’m better without her, the bitch!’
‘What?! Listen, you mother loved you very much. I should know because I was married to her and since the day I met her all she did was agonize over her precious son, Tom.’
‘I am and always will be Todd Manning.’
Click.
~Carry on, my wayward son
There’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don’t you, Don’t you cry no more!
NO MORE!
NO MORE!~
-Kerry Lugrens, Kansas, “Carry On Wayward Son”
‘Remember my promise, I’ll be back for you.’ Barbara Manning’s loving face fades away...
Don’t you cry no more!
Don’t you cry no more!
DON’T YOU CRY NO MORE!
DON’T. YOU. CRY. NO. MORE!
“Todd? Todd? Are you all right? Todd, it’s me Téa! Todd, answer me!
TODDDDDDD?!!!!